You can have a more grateful marriage in two short weeks. Curious? Here's how:
Week 1: Stop doing whatever household chores you currently do. Yup, all of them. (The one exception would be continuing to care for those who can't care for themselves, like babies and pets.)
Laundry? Leave it!
Dishes? Isn't that why most sinks have two sides?
Vacuuming? Uu don't have tuu!
Grocery shopping? Nope. Fast food it is.
Dusting? As if!
Lawncare? You get to be "that house" for a change.
By the end of the week you will realize all of the things you both do for each other. You'll see in a tangible way efforts made on your behalf with little to no complaint each week. Efforts we often forget to say "Thank you" for and have begun to take for granted.
Spend the weekend playing catch-up together and re-evaluating the responsibilities if necessary. Then get ready for week two.
Week 2: Calculate the take home pay for someone working minimum wage. Multiply that by the number of people in the household that are working. Live on that and that only. Yes, that includes bills. Subtract out a 1/4 of rent, utilities, gas, and food. If you thought the first week was tough, this will be an eye opener. That $7.00 cup of Starbucks that you just HAVE to have every morning will take on a whole new meaning when you realize that's what you make after working for an hour this week.
If you make it through this week without cheating....congratulations. Most people live so far beyond their means that they'd be broke after one bill is subtracted. So where does the gratitude for your spouse come in to play? You will now be able to see how much his or her work ethic, ambition, and willingness to do the job impacts your life. What it affords you not only in terms of necessities, but in luxuries as well. At the end of this week, overtime work has a value you can see. It's no longer just time away from you, it's also time providing you the things you've become accustomed to. The best part is, you not only have appreciation for your partner, but also for your employer, and enough left over to boost your self esteem a bit too.
It really can be that easy. Will it fix everything in your marriage? Of course not, but it will repair foundational cracks and put you in a much better frame of mind to communicate honestly.
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Friday, December 6, 2013
The best laid plans....
It's difficult to believe that I haven't visited this page in a year and a half. My intentions were pure when I began it, as I really felt a pull to share my thoughts and ideas. Then, as it is wont to do, life happened.
Suddenly, the hustle and bustle of one child heading out into the world on her own and the other preparing for final year of high school were all that I had time for. My opinions seemed to hold no urgency of delivery and I decided to revel in what little time I had left as a full-time Mom.
Amidst all of that hub-bub my Dad became ill. Lots of doctor visits with no answers to a multitude of aches and pains. I spent most of that process in denial though. Always the optimist, I was sure the cause would be discovered, resolved, and life would go on. That, however, was not God's Plan. Apparently He had shared Daddy with the world for as long as he felt necessary and called him home in March.
The thundering reality of his absence hit me hard, but his passing came at a time when I was unable to sit in it and dwell. My better half was literally working seven days a week and the munchkin was less than two months out from graduation and gearing up for college. Aside from an unearthly wail that escaped me when I walked away from his casket at the end of the funeral, I showed little outward signs of the inward turmoil.
In hindsight, the busy nature of my life probably helped me through it immensely. Now with things quieting down and winter settling in, there is enough time and distance to reflect without being consumed, and remember without crumbling into a heap.
So, I will begin to attempt this blogging journey again. I hope you'll bear with me, and I hope to be able to convey my thoughts and ideas in a way that encourages and uplifts.
Suddenly, the hustle and bustle of one child heading out into the world on her own and the other preparing for final year of high school were all that I had time for. My opinions seemed to hold no urgency of delivery and I decided to revel in what little time I had left as a full-time Mom.
Amidst all of that hub-bub my Dad became ill. Lots of doctor visits with no answers to a multitude of aches and pains. I spent most of that process in denial though. Always the optimist, I was sure the cause would be discovered, resolved, and life would go on. That, however, was not God's Plan. Apparently He had shared Daddy with the world for as long as he felt necessary and called him home in March.
The thundering reality of his absence hit me hard, but his passing came at a time when I was unable to sit in it and dwell. My better half was literally working seven days a week and the munchkin was less than two months out from graduation and gearing up for college. Aside from an unearthly wail that escaped me when I walked away from his casket at the end of the funeral, I showed little outward signs of the inward turmoil.
In hindsight, the busy nature of my life probably helped me through it immensely. Now with things quieting down and winter settling in, there is enough time and distance to reflect without being consumed, and remember without crumbling into a heap.
So, I will begin to attempt this blogging journey again. I hope you'll bear with me, and I hope to be able to convey my thoughts and ideas in a way that encourages and uplifts.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
...The Great American Melting Pot
As a kid, I was an epic fan of School House Rock. Every Saturday morning we were fed lessons not that dissimilar to the ones we'd been taught during the week in school. The main difference...we didn't dread them or groan about them, we sang along with them. I can't tell you how many times over the years that a School House Rock tune has popped into my head out of the blue. I hear them like it was yesterday. Conjunction Junction, Interplanet Janet, I'm Just a Bill, they all went beyond being merely catchy tunes and taught us different things about language, the solar system, and government.
Most of the time I can remember them verbatim, partially because anything set to music seems to stick longer in my mind and partially because nothing I've learned since then (aside from Pluto no longer being considered a planet) has ever negated them. They were fun and factual and timeless. While going through a mental list of my favorites, I recalled there being one titled, "The Great American Melting Pot," but couldn't for the life of me remember anything but the hook. So, being the type of person who can't let things rest, I went to You Tube and searched for it.
In watching it again after all of these years, I wondered why this one hadn't stuck out in my mind in the same way that "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here" had. What hit me then was that all of the others have been reinforced in one way or the other over my lifetime, whereas the philosophy behind "The Great American Melting Pot" had been systematically dismantled over time.
America today has been driven headfirst into the divisive nature of multi-culturalism as opposed to the unifying nature found in a melting pot. More focus is being put on a person's heritage than on where they are presently. I'm not saying by any means that our heritage shouldn't be honored, and the video emphasized the importance of both as well. The difference lies only in the priority of each, and back then we were taught that being an American was something in which we could take pride. It was the great experiment that proved successful. Industrious people looking for a better life could find it here. By blending the strengths of our previous cultures, we could build something better and stronger, the likes of which had not been seen before.
In the years since my youth, those are no longer the sentiments or the things we and the generations following us are being taught to believe. Nowadays, heritage takes the top spot. We're no longer Americans, but now hyphenated Americans, and in some cases no longer even bothering to acknowledge the American portion at all. I've seen people in interviews and read articles where they self identify solely by their country of birth as if they merely happen to reside here in the United States. It's this type of mentality that is going to lead us to being simply the North American States or some such derivative and wiping the idea of unity cleanly off the map.
By focusing on what makes us different rather than our similarities, we segregate ourselves into smaller and smaller groups with less chances of finding any common ground or possibilities for compromise. That will lead inevitably to isolationism among the groups, and war or at least perpetual conflict soon thereafter. Our traditions and history are important pieces of our fabric, but they aren't the entire tapestry or even the majority of who we are. We need to take ownership of who we are in the present and also what type of country we're providing for the generations that follow. If it's so great to be Italian, Irish, Mexican, or Indian...why can't it be great to be American? Allowing ourselves to have pride as Americans will help to ensure the unity of the people which will in turn foster the unity of these great United States.
*For the nostalgic among you, here's the video link to "The Great American Melting Pot." Maybe we can make it the new Rick-roll and put these ideas back into our children's consciousness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wakJdXzu3Y&feature=related
Most of the time I can remember them verbatim, partially because anything set to music seems to stick longer in my mind and partially because nothing I've learned since then (aside from Pluto no longer being considered a planet) has ever negated them. They were fun and factual and timeless. While going through a mental list of my favorites, I recalled there being one titled, "The Great American Melting Pot," but couldn't for the life of me remember anything but the hook. So, being the type of person who can't let things rest, I went to You Tube and searched for it.
In watching it again after all of these years, I wondered why this one hadn't stuck out in my mind in the same way that "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here" had. What hit me then was that all of the others have been reinforced in one way or the other over my lifetime, whereas the philosophy behind "The Great American Melting Pot" had been systematically dismantled over time.
America today has been driven headfirst into the divisive nature of multi-culturalism as opposed to the unifying nature found in a melting pot. More focus is being put on a person's heritage than on where they are presently. I'm not saying by any means that our heritage shouldn't be honored, and the video emphasized the importance of both as well. The difference lies only in the priority of each, and back then we were taught that being an American was something in which we could take pride. It was the great experiment that proved successful. Industrious people looking for a better life could find it here. By blending the strengths of our previous cultures, we could build something better and stronger, the likes of which had not been seen before.
In the years since my youth, those are no longer the sentiments or the things we and the generations following us are being taught to believe. Nowadays, heritage takes the top spot. We're no longer Americans, but now hyphenated Americans, and in some cases no longer even bothering to acknowledge the American portion at all. I've seen people in interviews and read articles where they self identify solely by their country of birth as if they merely happen to reside here in the United States. It's this type of mentality that is going to lead us to being simply the North American States or some such derivative and wiping the idea of unity cleanly off the map.
By focusing on what makes us different rather than our similarities, we segregate ourselves into smaller and smaller groups with less chances of finding any common ground or possibilities for compromise. That will lead inevitably to isolationism among the groups, and war or at least perpetual conflict soon thereafter. Our traditions and history are important pieces of our fabric, but they aren't the entire tapestry or even the majority of who we are. We need to take ownership of who we are in the present and also what type of country we're providing for the generations that follow. If it's so great to be Italian, Irish, Mexican, or Indian...why can't it be great to be American? Allowing ourselves to have pride as Americans will help to ensure the unity of the people which will in turn foster the unity of these great United States.
*For the nostalgic among you, here's the video link to "The Great American Melting Pot." Maybe we can make it the new Rick-roll and put these ideas back into our children's consciousness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wakJdXzu3Y&feature=related
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
...Living in Color
An acquaintance of mine passed away last week. He was vivacious and passionate, tenacious, spirited, and willing to stand up for those who had no voice or who had yet to find their voice. On the day of his passing you could almost feel the hole left in the fabric of the world he inhabited.
So many were trying to voice their pain at the loss, their fears of what the world might lack without his colorful character gracing it. In trying to describe him, while at the same time trying not to repeat the exact sentiments of others, I wrote how he used every color in the 120 ct. box of Crayolas. Not all that profound, but as a stay-at-home mom, I'm forced to create metaphors from my environment and Crayolas have been a part of that environment for years now.
After using the metaphor, I felt compelled to extrapolate out to refine what it was that I meant when using it to sum up a man's life. So here goes:
I broke down people into four categories: 8 ct, 24 ct, 64 ct, and 120 ct boxes of Crayolas.
8 count crayons only contain red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black, and brown. Not a lot there to choose from, and not enough even to draw a realistic picture of much of anything. 8 ct people are similar in that respect. They know what they think they know, and that's good enough for them. Detail and accuracy aren't a priority. They are happy with the gist of things and with something that's a close enough depiction to run with it, regardless of whether it's an authentic representation. These are the idealogues of the world who give voice to half truths and call it fact. This definitely didn't represent the man I knew.
24 count crayons have a wider variety and provide a truer representation of the world, but lack the volume of colors to add creativity into the mix. 24 ct people have a viable place in the world as messengers that can pass along truths accurately. But without the added skill of creativity, they replicate and not necessarily create and inspire, so this was not the man I knew either.
64 count boxes of crayons have not only the ability to accurately represent reality, but also enough variety to stir creativity in the user. 64 count people also have that balance. They can see and represent the truth, but also have the ability to inspire. Their talent with nuanced shades make the picture more vivid for those who may only see in 8 or 24. Witnessing that can often make the observer want to up their own game, and expand the colors in his or her box. This description was approaching the man I knew, but didn't quite do him justice.
Lastly there's the 120 count box. The first time I saw one, I was shocked and if I remember correctly, my reaction was..."are there even 120 colors?" That reaction alone should tell you that I'm definitely not a 120 person, but I admire them deeply. 120 count people are the people in the world who can not only instantly tell the difference between red-orange and orange-red, but also know the inherent merits of each. They know exactly when to use them and it enhances the quality to a level of perfection most didn't know was possible prior. They are extremely creative and have a deep understanding of the way the world works, the way it appears, and the way to represent it so that everyone around them will be inspired to do more and be more. They use all the resources given to them and also create new resources for those of us in smaller boxes, so we can expand the palettes of our minds. They make the world more colorful and those of us who know them get to experience the true vividness of our world because of their vision. They don't come along often, and that is why we feel their loss so deeply.
This fit the man I knew as Andrew Breitbart, and because of his inspiration, I'm beginning this blog. I'm trying to expand and live in color. I may not be using every color in the box at first, but someday after I sample them one by one, I hope to be able to find out their merits and use them effectively to carry on what he started. It seems daunting and unattainable considering the legacy he left behind. I hope to one day feel he'd be proud, and see that he inspired others to be living in color.
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